Most of my passions come and go; but I will always, always adore traveling. Not just the glamorous parts, when I get to see really cool places like the Grand Palace or do crazy things like play with baby elephants or ski down a blue diamond in Interlaken when I’ve never even skied on real snow before. But also the hard parts. When it’s dark and raining at 4:00am and I’m lost and scared and I realize I’m on the wrong train. Or when I think I’m having an allergic reaction and no one knows what an Epi pen is and there are no ambulances.
Also the heartbreaking parts, the moments when I feel completely defeated and my heart is ripping and it feels like it’s too small for my ribcages. And the moments when I get to connect with people, when I get to practice a second language and someone else speaks in broken English and together we communicate using gestures and bond over laughter and our shared humanness.
And also, the traveling part itself.
I’m in love with busy airports. I crave the beautiful rebellion of leaving home, freeing myself from what I know, embracing whimsy and the unfamiliar. Being still for a brief moment, a cup of coffee in hand while chaos swirls around me. My heart races, knowing I won’t be the same person when I return. I live for the rush of the journey as I move from one place to another.
I want to live life that way, too. I want to savor who I am in the transitions, as I grow out of one version of myself and into the next. I never want to stop becoming myself.
Yesterday morning, I opened my Instagram feed and in bold letters was a post from Bob Goff: "it's Thursday. Quit being who you used to be." That’s exactly what I intend to do.
Sometimes becoming who I’m meant to be looks like hands out the window, hair blowing in the breeze, radio blasting as I drive into the sun. Sometimes becoming is busting at the seams with potential and promise. Most of the time, though, it means stripping away everything I used to believe about myself, peeling off the masks I’ve worn so long I forgot what I actually look like.
This year I've become all too well-acquainted with the pain of being trapped in the person I used to be. Through the pain, I've learned.
I’ve learned that I’m free even when I don’t feel like I am. I’ve decided to stop running and come face to face with my fears. Courage doesn't always mean venturing out, but staying put. I’ve learned that in order to love myself, I have to know myself first. I learned that In order to be who I'm meant to be, I had to stop being who I'm not. And I’m learning that I’m enough. So are you.
I’ve had my heart shattered. I've slept days away trying to escape the pain. There were times I cried my heart out and times I wept silently. I've seen beauty sprout up from heartbreak. Sometimes things have to die before new things can grow. Flowers grow from decay.
If your heart is breaking right now, you're not alone. If you don't like who you are, you're not alone either. You're free to start being who you want to be. You don’t have to have it all figured out. No one does. It’s ok to have growing pains and bumps along the way. It’s ok to have imperfections. Embrace them. It’s okay to change your mind. You're allowed to start over. You’re free to become the next version of yourself. Free to quit being who you used to be.
Thanks for stopping by. A little about me — I have a latte each morning and drink about 7 cups of tea a day (I'm not exaggerating.) I live in Atlanta where I'm going to law school. I like long distance running and I love my city and I love exploring our beautiful earth. I believe in being vulnerable, following our passions & being free.
I started this blog to document and share my favorite moments while traveling. This is a place where I process my ideas, share the aches and joys of my heart, speak truth, and shine light on the beauty I see in the world.
I've realized that what I probably love most about traveling is the same thing I love about writing — the way it connects me to myself and other people. I hope as you read my words, you feel connected to our shared humanity.
Thank you for reading. :)
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